Darkness to Light
by tidbit2008
Summary: Mac does some contemplating about Stella's departure. Spoilers through 7x01, AU from there. MS.
1. Darkness to Light

**Spoilers: **Through 7x01  
><strong>Disclaimer: <strong>I own nothing but my inspiration.  
><strong>AN: <strong>I actually wrote and posted this at my LJ a year ago. There's also a sequel. I'll add it to this story as chapter 2 in a couple of days.**  
><strong>

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><p>I'll wait for the day when<br>We finally say now or never  
>'Til then I'll be here wanting more<br>As I settle for atmosphere**  
>send me the moon; sara bareilles<strong>

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><p>Mac leaned back into his chair and sighed. He stared out his office window at the skyline, searching for stars even though he knew the streetlights would never let them shine through.<p>

This wasn't where he wanted to be, or really she wasn't where he wanted her to be. Stella belonged in New York. She belonged in the office down the hallway from his; the one with the couch he'd seen her fall asleep on so many times. She belonged in this lab working alongside him late into the night, refusing to give up until they solved the case.

Stella belonged here. She belonged with him.

Two weeks, five days, and roughly eight hours; that was about how long after she left that it took for Mac to reach this last conclusion. Mentally all he could do was kick himself for not seeing sooner what had lain right before his eyes. Some detective he turned out to be.

He had talked to her once since she left, to make sure she'd landed safe and sound. Before they got off the phone, she had asked him not to call again.

"_I'll – I'll call you when things settle down some."_

The words echoed in his head. The catch in her voice held so much more meaning now.

She loved him, too. How had he not seen it?

And now two months have gone by and he can't seem to pick up the phone. His heart aches, missing her so much that sometimes he has to literally stand still to catch his breath. The sound of her laugh plays like a record in his mind, comforting and taunting him at one and the same time. But how does he call her now? She made the choice to leave, and he must have hurt her like hell for her to run all the way to Louisiana.

He had tried to talk her out of going in the first place.

"_I need a fresh start. Besides, think of all the good I could do."_

"_But Stella, New York is your home. And what about the team?" he sighed, exasperated._

"_I imagine _the team_ will miss me," she paused looking at him, almost daring him to interrupt, "and it may take some adjusting, but they will manage just fine. I'm not so conceited to think you guys can't survive without me."_

He gave up on long lost stars, but kept looking out the window for a while, instead watching the lights in offices across the street go off one by one until only a handful remained.

Mac's chair creaked as he swiveled around. Taking a deep breath, he counted to three and picked up the phone.


	2. Now or Never

**AN: **Thanks for all of your kind reviews. I want to apologize if I failed to make myself clear in the first AN. This was originally a 2-parter only. However, I do have a third (and final) chapter written that's never been posted anywhere, and I'm willing to upload it for yall as a peace offering later in the week if anyone's interested?**  
><strong>

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><p>Mac cradled the phone against his ear with one hand; the other nervously tapped a pen on his desk. He knew it was late, but it was now or never.<p>

One ring, two ring, four; if it got to eight, he'd hang up. He didn't think a voicemail would quite cover this. Sixth ring, two more and he'd hang up. He swallowed, his stomach in knots already.

Ring number seven and then a sleepy voice on the other end of the line.

"Bonasera."

Mac froze mid pen tap and then slowly let out a breath. "Hey."

"Mac?" she grumbled. "Are you aware that it's one a.m. here? Normal people are asleep at this hour. Wait is everything okay? Did something happen?" The words in the last question rushed together; she suddenly sounded much more awake.

"Whoa, slow down. Everything's fine."

He could hear her exhale. "Don't scare me like that."

The corner of his mouth tugged upward. It was good to hear her voice. "Sorry."

"Okay, so if everyone's fine, it's good to hear from you and all, but why are you calling so late?"

"Well, that's a good question." He paused. Where to start? "And the short answer is – I really miss you, Stel."

Abandoning the now motionless pen, he swapped the phone from one ear to the other and caught the end of another sigh.

"I miss you too, Mac. But it's late, can't whatever it is wait until morning?"

"No, I don't think it can." If he was going to fall off the cliff anyway, he might as well leap. "It took me a while to work out why you left, but I think I'm starting to understand now. And I just, I wanted you to know that I love you. As more than a friend, and I'm sorry that it took you leaving for me to realize it."

Silence on the other end of the line.

His brows furrowed. "Stella?"

"I'm here."

"And?"

"I'm not -" she stopped, her voice cracking just slightly. "I'll never be Claire, Mac."

Where was this coming from? "I didn't ask you to be."

"No, and you wouldn't but this is... You don't love me like that, Mac. I'm just the closest thing to her you have left, and now I'm in another time zone."

"Stella, I have spent the last two months absolutely miserable, and that has had everything to do with not hearing your voice or seeing your smile. I miss _you_. And I know who you are and not for one moment have I ever wanted you to be anyone else." He waited a beat and heard what sounded like a sniffle. "I love you, Stella."

"Then what the hell took you so damn long?"

He could almost hear that sly smile of hers. A laugh played at the corners of his mouth. Slowly, he replied, "I don't know."

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><p>One week and about twenty phone calls later, his flight landed in New Orleans around lunch. It was noisy and crowded when he got to baggage claim. A few minutes passed before he spotted a tall brunette standing off by herself on the other side of the room. Making his way toward her, he disregarded the conveyor belt full of suitcases completely. When she saw him, she broke into a smile and his heart skipped a beat. It was the most beautiful thing he'd seen in a long time.<p>

"Hey." She said it and had this look in her eyes – how could he have ever missed that look?

"Hey yourself," he replied and pulled her into a hug, gently squeezing to make sure she was real. "God, you feel good."

She laughed. "I feel good? Mac, really."

He pulled back so he could see her face but kept his hands on her waist. "Yeah," he said softly, "you do."

She reached up and cupped his cheek, studying his face.

"I love you, Stella."

Her thumb trailed along his chin. She squinted a little, looking like she could see right through him, before replying. "I know."

A smile played at her lips as she leaned in and softly kissed him.


	3. One Step Closer to You

**AN:** So this is the last installment of the series. I suppose it's possible I might write more, but I think this wraps this particular AU up pretty nicely. It might be a little early for Christmas fic, but.. meh whatever, lol. Consider this my thank-you for reading this story :) Enjoy!

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><p>Stella sighed and snuggled closer to Mac on the couch, her head lying on his shoulder and his arm draped around her.<p>

"I don't want to leave tomorrow." She said and buried her head in his shoulder.

Now it was Mac's turn to sigh. "Yeah, I can't believe you have to work the day after Christmas."

Stella rolled her eyes. "Says the man working Christmas Day afternoon."

"Hey now, that's only because I knew I'd be putting you on a plane at lunch. You know that."

At this Stella raised an eyebrow. "Without me here, does anyone ever make you go home? Or, Heaven forbid, take a full day off when it's not a National holiday?"

Mac smiled apologetically.

Stella shook her head, the hint of a smile playing at the corners of her mouth. "Yeah, that's what I thought. Next January cannot get here fast enough."

"Now on that we agree," Mac replied, kissing her temple. "It's not the same around here without you."

Stella sighed and snuggled back into Mac's shoulder, trying to soak in as much of him as she could before she had to leave. This long distance thing pretty much sucked, but they were working it out as they go, a little at a time. Neither of them had been able to get away at Thanksgiving, but they'd had four wonderful days this week, and he was coming for a whole week in March.

It was almost laughable how everything had played out in the end. When they were practically living at the lab, in each other's space nearly every day, they couldn't get it together. But put them hundreds of miles apart and it was like a switch had been flipped.

Now that they were together it would be easy to regret leaving in the first place, but she couldn't bring herself to. She had needed to spread her wings, and it had been the catalyst for this, for _them_. A _them_ she could hardly believe was real. Yet, here they were, half-asleep on Mac's couch and in theory anyways watching Holiday Inn.

As it all worked out, New Orleans would be able to spare her next winter. A year was a long time, but it honestly didn't seem like that far away. The journey it took for them to get here had been a marathon from the beginning. They'd reached the biggest hurdle when she left and five months later had already passed it and the first checkpoint. After years of confusion and steps forward and back, this next leg of the race would be a walk in the park.

Listening she could hear that Mac's breathing had slowed. She knew she should wake him to move, and she would soon but it could wait a few more minutes. They could wait. A year wasn't so bad, not when she knew that many more lay in front of them.

_fin._


End file.
